I Did the Best I Could With What I Knew

The Should ofs and guilt the first few months was so heavy in my heart, consuming my every waking hour...  If I had just done things differently, made him go to the hospital... tried more to make him realize how important he was in our lives... told him I love him one more time... 

Then I read this quote, "I did the best I could with what I knew".  What a powerful message.  It really  helped me release some of this heavy suffocating guilt.. I realize at that time, my husband and I were trying our best to help Wesly.  We honestly thought he was doing better, not realizing that sometimes people that are suicidal have made their choice, and seem better to others.  If I could go back in time, yes I would have done things so differently.  

7 months later, I still have the should ofs, but I try to limit the amount of time to dwell on it.  I realize that blaming myself over and over for the same thing just continues to hurt me and doesn't ever solve anything.  So, I try and let it pass over, like a dark cloud.