Wesly's First Angelversary

October 20… the day my world changed…forever… the day my precious, beloved only child took his own life, at the age of just 25…

A year later, October 20, 2018, the memories of that day and that excruciating pain flood my thoughts…

To honor Wesly, I lit a candle and said a simple prayer in between my tears, at the edge of our property on the road, where he died.

I also spent time writing memories of Wesly in my journal Oct. 20th and more tears flowed. I continued to pray out loud and let him know I love him always and thinking of him.

A friend also came over and I showed her the lovely rock garden we made in honor of Wesly. and hugged.

It was a day of remembrance, but the day of his death also brought flashbacks of that day and that sickening pit in my stomach returned.

Finally October 20, the day I dreaded, was over..

Every morning though I wake up, for a second I am normal, then I remember all that I have lost. In the beginning that pain was physically gut wrenching to wake up to. Over time, your mind and body learn to cope and gets a little easier. But no, it doesn’t go away.

I have made huge progress of where I was from the week of his death a year ago. Those ebbs and flows of grief that used to literary make me so faint I thought I was going to pass out, still come but not as often or as long or as intense. The grief still takes my breath away at times, but again, not as long. This new normal, my mind and body have gotten used to the pain, has started to figure out coping skills so I can survive. In the beginning, I remember hoping in a year I would be normal again, but I’m not. But, I am adjusting to what my new normal is. I realize now, the normal I once had, is forever gone, with my precious son.