Shopping & Meals, So Difficult

One of the things I REALLY struggle with is shopping and cooking certain meals.  There were meals that Wesly loved  that I cooked for him - lasagna, goulash, spaghetti and garlic bread, shepherd's pie, meatloaf.  There was a  special dish that he and I both liked, we called "mushroom noodley stuff",  which was really just beef stroganoff but it was a name we both always used, jokingly.  I still can't cook any of those dishes Wesly loved, and there is a huge void in what I cook now. A lot of take out, from things we didn't order before...

Wesly loved mac and cheese, it's hard just to go by that isle in the grocery store.  The first time I went back shopping after he died, I just broke down in front of the mac and cheese section.   As a boy, he also loved food like goldfish, animal crackers, and slices of cheese.  All of these food items just pop out at me shopping, with all the memories and yes, the tears come as I try to hide them.  It gets a little easier each time I shop, but it's still there, in the background.. I love these memories of Wesly, but there always  is a sharp stab of grief that accompanies it.