How Long Does This Pain Last

I remember after the first month, when I started with TalkSpace, and when the pain was so excruciating,  my therapist said for most people, the most severe  pain was the first 3 months, but the grieving process is about a year.  Everyone has a different journey, a different experience, this is just an average.  

When I first heard that, I felt there was hope in 3 months then hope in a year that I could be normal again.  I realize now, 7 months into this journey, that I have a new normal now.  Not one I wanted, not one I chose, but one I must endure and one I must learn to cope with.  

I realize the pain really doesn't go away, your mind and body just learns to cope with it.  The pain comes and goes, like waves in an ocean, some times without even a reason.  We just learn to ride the waves.  The grief is draining, exhausting, it affects everything in our life.   Sleep is still difficult, most nights is only 5-6 hours of sleep, I end up crashing once a week just to rest.  

I believe the grief stays with us, we just learn how to live with it.   The side affects of the grief - lack of sleep, forgetfulness, confusion, lack of ability to handle stressful situations - hopefully will get better with time.  I'm almost 8 months into it, and still struggle with all of those symptoms.  I still can't watch a horror movie, a graphic movie.  

I know other people, that don't understand what it's like to grieve a child, think we can just "get over it".  Sorry, it doesn't happen that way.  Our child will always be with us and will always be on our mind.  Our life is forever altered  and that change doesn't have a timeline, everyone is different.  I know when people say that, I do get irritated about it, but honestly, they just don't know any better.