Spirituality For Grieving Parents of Suicide

I know this one is a sensitive subject.  The bottom line is we all have our beliefs, and we should.  I use the words God and Jesus, but you can substitute devine source, or whatever your beliefs are.   I am only sharing things that I found helpful.  

When Wesly died, I was angry -how could God do this to me, to Wesly, to our family? I thought God loved us.  Why?  Over time, I realized it wasn't God's plan to take Wesly from us.  God cannot change free will.  I was fortunate though.  I have wonderful family, friends, co-workers, church and community that have  been  so supportive and caring. No, God cannot change the pain we are in, but he can be there with us.  

The questions of Wesly's death, of where he is now, is he safe and loved where he is, just kept flooding my thoughts constantly. I found these amazing videos from Christine Salter, now available on YoutTube.   I've been able to subtly feel prickliness in my arm when I've asked him to touch me in my arm or shoulder.  I know, it's a small sign, but it is an amazing feeling when it happens.  When she spoke about our child always being connected to us because we are their mother, and continue to be with us,  just really touched me.  She also explains that our children are no longer in pain but in a place of peace and  love, and for us to let go of the guilt because they do not blame us. 

We all have purpose in life, to use the special gifts that God has given us.  Sometimes we get off track, thinking money or career is our life purpose.  We need to look deep inside, I used to think my life's purpose was being Wesly's mom, but he is now physically gone; I'm still trying to figure out my new purpose.  I know our life's purpose is there behind the grief and pain, somewhere. I've read and also believe that the soul's purpose is to get closer to God.  I'm trying to spend time daily to talk with God, I find it helps in my grief process. I know God can't take my pain away of losing Wesly or bring him back, but I feel  God's presence, and know he is with me.