How Can There Possibly Be A Purpose In Our Child's Death?

I remember reading something in the first few months of Wesly's death, asking us grieving parents to search for the purpose of our child's death.  At first I was offended, how could there be any purpose, any good from the loss of my beloved only child?  How dare you ask me that, when I had just lost my son a few months ago, when I was in such shock and deep despair.

Before Wesly had a breakdown, we were just living our lives, working, just doing normal day to day things; we had a good life-food was on our table, roof over our head; we had friends, family and we loved one another.  But the day Wesly died, that ended, I no longer felt blessed, I was cursed.  Life handed us something so painful, so devastating, that our life ended as I knew it that dreadful day; part of us died along with our son and that hole remains in my heart even today..  

Then I had a medium reading with Wesly and realized he was at peace and no longer in the deep depression and mental anguish anymore. In the reading, he showed me his hand and said, "remember mom, I wasn't supposed to have a long life. I had the heartache I was meant to have." I then remembered a conversation we had after school one day in which he came home very upset because they were looking into psalm readings at school (don't ask me why???) and it showed a short life for him on his hand.  I discounted it, saying it was just  an old superstitious and not to worry.   The medium explained it was a soul agreement we had.  then a part of me felt that I was only meant to be with Wesly a short time.  At first, I refused to believe I would ever agree to this, this unbelievable pain. 

But, over time, and after much reflection, I have begun to understand that we all have a soul and ultimately, we are put here on earth for growth and learning.  We need to learn to be compassionate, loving and help one another.  No, it isn't always easy.  Wesly's death had my life stop as I knew it.. I have to rebuild it.. really look at myself..deep inside myself... what is my purpose...I felt I had to help others with suicidal thoughts, so made www.nevtsuicide.com (a work in progress).  I also felt in my heart I had to help others grieving suicide, so I made this website.  What else am I learning? To be more compassionate.  I used to think we could always trudge on, I would go to work having the flu, etc. and pride myself on always being strong enough to weather anything, never miss a day of work.  I was wrong. I look at the world differently now.  If I can help some one, I try to.  If some one needs a hug, I try to.  If some one just needed a friend to talk to, I try to.  Not because I expect something back, but just because it's the right thing to do. I often didn't take the time in in my busy schedule before Wesly died to do that.    If I see a beautiful flower or a butterfly or anything special, I try to take the time now to savor the moment. Right now, I think my purpose is to help others considering suicide and those grieving suicide.  Maybe over time,  my purpose will grow or change course, and that is okay with me.  Ask yourself, what is your purpose?  Why?  Because we all need our spirit to grow and learn, our child wants that for us.

I know the photo above says God  has a purpose for our pain, but I recognize we  all have different religious beliefs.  Please be open that God has different names in different religions.  

It's easy to get caught up in daily life, worrying about  how much money we earn, how many sales we made, how many tasks  we've  done, etc;  We need to remember that's not what life is really about.  it's really just about love..